Meaning is a double-edged sword
If you are someone that has a tattoo, chances are that the most frequent question you are asked is “what does it mean?” or “what’s the reason behind it?”. Humans are suckers for meaning. They search for it not just in tattoos, but in the most unlikely places and the most mundane of experiences — for example, they see faces in inanimate objects and sometimes even Jesus in their toast.
Humans are so meaning-hungry that in the perceived absence of it, they find themselves suffering. We strive for things to make sense and to have significance, not just to merely exist: we are looking for meaningful interactions, so chit-chatting or small talk can feel excruciating. We search to buy meaningful gifts for others or receive them ourselves, otherwise we feel uncaring, or uncared for. Importantly, we want something significant to live for, and without such a compass we get depressed, or even suicidal. The search and emphasis put on personal meaning is so central, that some have argued that it has selfishly replaced real moral systems that we collectively decide are important. In sum, the search for meaning can breed adversity.
Yet, if one is to look into the literature on human adversity and read about some of the most terrible traumas that people experience, one will find meaning there in a different capacity: as a shield. Synthesizing interview data with people who, among other adversities, faced armed interpersonal violence, childhood sexual abuse, or severe, life-threatening illness, psychologists find that the common thread across those experiences is that people find purpose in them — to prevent others from going through the same, or to help those who have already been affected.
You don’t need to look far to find everyday examples of adversity-borne meaning-making. Cancer survivors raise money to help those who have been similarly affected, survivors of school shootings become activists for sensible gun control, sexual assault survivors create advocacy groups for preventing sexual abuse, moms who have lost a child to drunk driving form alliances to reform policy, and, more recently, COVID-19 patients create online support groups as a refuge and information hub for others who test positive. Meaning, in these cases, does not create the suffering — it results from it.
The paradox was not lost on scientists — how come meaning both creates and alleviates suffering? It turns out that while having found meaning in life is associated with well-being, explicitly searching for it can actually decrease it. In a true exhibit of situational irony, we might search for meaning when we need it the most, yet it can only truly fulfill us when we inadvertently find it in adversity.
While it’s possible to think of examples of people finding meaning without having suffered, we seem to have an intuitive understanding of the suffering-meaning pairing. This could be why suggestions for meaningful gifts have revolved exclusively around contributions to organizations fighting misfortune and hardship, and why Facebook’s recent birthday donation option has crowdsourced over $300 million in philanthropic funds. We seem to understand, on some level, that meaning and adversity are inextricably linked — you can’t have one without the other.
Nobody likes a cliché, but if what doesn’t kill you does, in fact, make you stronger, it will most definitely also make your life meaningful.
